tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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