i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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