it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
