nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
