I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
