I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
