if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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