I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
