I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
