I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
