Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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