I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
