Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
We talked him into tasing himself.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
