I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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