guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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