did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
