I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
