He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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