It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
