Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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