but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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