He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
