i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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