We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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