before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize