I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
