I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
