so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
