Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
