this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize