I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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