I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
