And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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