HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
