Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
