We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize