i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
