I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize