Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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