I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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