I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
