I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
