Got a toothbrush?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
