Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
