worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
