My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
