Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my shit smells like andre
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
