even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
