I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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