Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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