in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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