btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize