It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
