Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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