evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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