YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
