You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
