i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
