he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
