he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
