Soap is not a condiment
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
