i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
