I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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