I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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