He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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