Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
