i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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