does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
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