**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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