I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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