i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize