I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
