8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
