Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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