My liver just broke up with me...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
