Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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