I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize