I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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