my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
"it" just moved
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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