she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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