This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
