your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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