Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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