just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
