It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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