At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
